don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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