u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I died a long time ago.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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