we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
