Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize