I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
