What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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