I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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