I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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