I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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