hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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