I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
