i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
