We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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