I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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