the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
