if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
