dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
