I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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