I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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