i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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