She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
