put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
