What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
