my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
