I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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