idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
