The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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