Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
