Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
