update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
