O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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