guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
