Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
