Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
