Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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