pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
third nipple confirmed
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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