Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Boobs speak an international language.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
