I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
