I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
