We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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