and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
