if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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