So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
