So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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