I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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