I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
