My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
