I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
