Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
