i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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