I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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