I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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