nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
