I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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