birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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