my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
