we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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