you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
